Yesterday was a big day for me. There were two reasons for this:
- I got to go to Nirvana Spa (which is beautiful, by the way)
- It was the first time I was properly leaving baby Dominic
I’ve left Dominic for an hour here and there, but nothing like yesterday. A full day without my baby – I’m sure other parents can relate to this feeling of dread. It felt like part of me had been taken away from me. I thought I’d be fine, and I was… Until I watched his little face disappear as the door closed. I turned around to get in the car, and out came the waterworks. I’m a grown woman – surely I shouldn’t be crying. It feels like a role reversal, it should be the child crying when their parent leaves them, not the other way around.
Here’s where I feel like a bad mum. As soon as we got settled in and relaxed at the spa, I no longer felt sad. Sure, I missed him like mad, but I felt human again. No longer was I the zombie that snaps at my husband for asking where a utensil is. No longer was I constantly listening out for any whimpers from my baby. No longer was I running round the house trying to clean as soon as his eyes closed. I could relax, I could close my eyes and sleep. It was bliss.
I’ve always wanted to go to Nirvana, and I was not disappointed. We started in the Celestial Floatation pool. The pool is full of Dead Sea salt and other minerals, so as soon as you lift your knees, you’re floating on your back. They have tiny lights all over the ceiling that look like the night sky, and a gentle current to make sure you don’t bump into anyone. Anyone but me, that is. I still managed to do it 3 times. I was also the annoying one to have to get out of the pool twice because I kept getting the salt water in my eyes. Trust me to ruin a relaxing moment…
We also had a Swedish massage, which again, was heaven. I didn’t realise how many knots I had in my back, that bit bloody hurt. But the rest, bliss.
We spent a lot of the day by the Roman pool, which as you can see above, is beautiful. The Roman theme made it feel so luxurious. I couldn’t find a single flaw with the place, not one.
If you’ve read any of my other posts though, you’ll probably be aware of my leakage issues. Now picture this without any baby feeds all day. I was ready to burst. I had to quickly nip out about 5 times throughout the day, to stand in the shower and leak. I do paint a beautiful picture, don’t I?
On a sort of different note, I will soon be trying Neuners Organic Nursing tea, to increase my milk supply. Yes, increase. The reason for this is to help with expressing. Having to express a full days worth took days, so I want to see if this will help (review to follow).
Anyway, back to the post. Having a day just my husband and I made me realise I could still be myself, and be a mother. I had started to feel like I’d lost myself in parenthood, I was Dominic’s mother and nothing else. I was here to take care of my child, and not myself. But I remembered how to relax, be a wife rather than a nag, and just be Sam. I’m not going to make a habit of days out without my son, but I know that I can do it, and thoroughly enjoy myself.
If you’re a parent, how long did you leave it until you left your baby? And how did you feel?