It’s been a long time since I last posted. I’ve been going through a few inner battles with blogging as of late. One moment I want to completely stop, the next I don’t. The reason being, I felt I was giving out too much information about D – information that I felt should perhaps be kept between our family and friends. I rarely post photo’s of D on social media (I think there are currently a grand total of 2, on my private Facebook page, in which only friends can view my photo’s), and will never post them on my blog. The reason for this is to protect him and his identity. However I then started to think that I was baring far more by posting so much information about him on my blog, regardless of if the posts were accompanied by photo’s of him.
Anyway, after many, many inner arguments, I’ve decided to continue with blogging, so hopefully will be posting more often again. I won’t however, be continuing the monthly updates anymore.
So, let’s get to the topic at hand. SLEEP.
What is this sleep, you speak of?! I wish I knew… After about 4 months since my beloved sleep and I broke up (and even then we were on the rocks), I can’t seem to remember what it was like. It was a very sudden split, and I miss it so.
The last couple of weeks have been particularly rough, as Dom caught a nasty cold, with a side of a cough and sore throat – poor fella. Luckily that’s out of the way now, but teething seems to have returned with a vengeance (if it ever left). Leaving me with wakings every 1 to 2 hours.
In my last Sleep Diaries post, I mentioned teething gel. I was feeling ever so optimistic, and unfortunately this optimism didn’t pay off. At times it’ll calm him down, but this is short lived. And I for one don’t want to sit at the side of D’s cot, reapplying it every 20 minutes. Admittedly, at desperate times I have tried ibuprofen, which gives me about 2-2.5 hours respite. But I can’t dose him up every single night of the week. Can I?
One thing that has seemed to help, is sleeping on his tummy. I know, I know..shock, horror! It’s exactly what we’re told NOT to do. I still place D on his back to sleep, but he will now often turn onto his tummy while snoozing. While it does scare me, he sleeps a lot longer this way. Not really sure why, but hey, who am I to argue? Luckily we have one of those fangle dangle breathing monitors, which gives me a little more peace of mind.
At this point in time I’m not really sure where to go with this ‘phase’, other than wait out the storm. Everything’s a ‘phase’ isn’t it?
“My baby won’t stop crying”, it’s just a phase.
“My baby needs to be held all the time”, oh it’s just a phase.
“My baby won’t sleep through the night”, guess what? Just a phase.
To be fair, I think they’re right when they say this. Babies will grow out of all these things, eventually. It’s just a lot harder to accept when you’re tired, pulling your hair out (unless it falls out everywhere on its own, like mine), or you just need a moment to yourself.
One day, I’m told, I’ll miss the night feeds and wish I’d made the most of them. Anyone who tells me that, hasn’t experienced true exhaustion. Sure, I absolutely love cuddles with my son in the night, just the two of us. But hell, I bloody love sleep too. And functioning like a human, that’s pretty good as well.
Forgive me if I sound ungrateful, in any way at all. For I’m not ungrateful. Not in the slightest. I love my son more than I ever thought possible, and I love my life – but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could have a night with my old friend, sleep.